For today, it is enough.
Living with a chronic illness or medical condition is a life
altering experience. Coping with the changes it brings can be challenging at
best, seemingly impossible at worst. If the illness or condition has a pain
component, these challenges become amplified.
For me it all depends on the day, or maybe even the hour.
Feeling good has its own set of problems, as in over extending myself, either
physically in the moment, or taking on commitments without considering the physical
consequences.
After 2 ½ years of chronic back and leg pain I have finally come
to grips with a simple truth. For today, it is enough.
What is enough? Whatever I have managed to accomplish that
day. On some days that can be a great deal. Laundry and dishes are done and put
away. Pain meds are avoided and a clear mind prevails. I can drive myself
wherever I want to go. Other days simply getting up to fix myself a can of soup
for lunch is a major achievement. Pain meds are needed and my mind feels
muddled. If I have to be somewhere, I have to find someone to drive me.
Here are the facts of my life. Things that if I let them can
cause guilt, shame, or even depression.
- · My home will never be as clean as I would like it to be.
- · I will have days I cannot attend something I had committed to.
- · I cannot make long term plans without the possibility that pain will interfere.
- · I cannot make plans for six hours from now without the possibility that pain will interfere.
- · I will at times let others down because of my physical condition.
- · I will have to rely on others for things that I used to be very independent about.
- · There will always be those who will not, or refuse to, understand my limitations.
- · I will always have a to-do list full of unchecked items.
If you know me well, you know these are all difficult things
for me. I am slowly learning flexibility and patience, and most important…acceptance.
For today, it is enough.
~Marla
