Friday, May 3, 2013

For Today, It Is Enough

For today, it is enough.

Living with a chronic illness or medical condition is a life altering experience. Coping with the changes it brings can be challenging at best, seemingly impossible at worst. If the illness or condition has a pain component, these challenges become amplified.

For me it all depends on the day, or maybe even the hour. Feeling good has its own set of problems, as in over extending myself, either physically in the moment, or taking on commitments without considering the physical consequences. 

After 2 ½ years of chronic back and leg pain I have finally come to grips with a simple truth. For today, it is enough.

What is enough? Whatever I have managed to accomplish that day. On some days that can be a great deal. Laundry and dishes are done and put away. Pain meds are avoided and a clear mind prevails. I can drive myself wherever I want to go. Other days simply getting up to fix myself a can of soup for lunch is a major achievement. Pain meds are needed and my mind feels muddled. If I have to be somewhere, I have to find someone to drive me.

Here are the facts of my life. Things that if I let them can cause guilt, shame, or even depression.
  • ·        My home will never be as clean as I would like it to be.
  • ·        I will have days I cannot attend something I had committed to.
  • ·        I cannot make long term plans without the possibility that pain will interfere.
  • ·        I cannot make plans for six hours from now without the possibility that pain will interfere.
  • ·        I will at times let others down because of my physical condition.
  • ·        I will have to rely on others for things that I used to be very independent about.
  • ·        There will always be those who will not, or refuse to, understand my limitations.
  • ·        I will always have a to-do list full of unchecked items.

If you know me well, you know these are all difficult things for me. I am slowly learning flexibility and patience, and most important…acceptance. 

For today, it is enough.


1 comment:

  1. Hi Marla, my name is Verlyn. I loved this post. The truth be told this can apply to any of us. I share some of your feelings because I have 3 small children and I homeschool them. My little girl is 5 and I have twin boys that are 4...imagine that!

    I never have my house like I want it to be, the dishes don't always get done, my list goes over to the next day, I can't wash my hair as soon as I want to etc etc... I have learned to accept it and not beat myself up trying to be super mom.

    Thank you for your post and I totally agree!

    Expect great things and great things will happen!