A Baby Changes Everything

I am having a lot of difficulty with today’s post. Not because it is a hard subject to address, or because it is personally painful. No, it is simply I don’t know where to begin. In less than 2 weeks my husband will be working in the Oklahoma City area. We originally thought that by now I would be preparing to move with him. Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men…

When we first discovered that his job was to be transferred we had some big decisions to make. Would he accept the transfer offer? Or leave Boeing and try to find other employment in a Wichita economy that was not in an upswing. Would he commute on the weekends? Renting a studio apartment in OKC and driving the 2½ hours back to Derby each weekend. Or would we jump in with both feet, and leave a town we had both been raised in, and move? Leaving our married children, an elderly father, and a church we loved behind.

At first we both liked the commuting idea, but then I felt this was selfish on my part. My husband has 3½ years before early retirement is an option. That did not seem so bad, but the reality was that staying with Boeing until full retirement age made the most sense. Commuting for 13 to 15 years? Not a pretty picture. So moving it was…until December.

By December we were pretty discouraged. Only one offer had been made on our home, and it had been a joke. We felt we had chosen the wrong realtor, the wrong time to sell, and were trying desperately to understand God’s plan for us. My daughter admonished me at one point for my lack of faith, saying “The buyer isn’t ready yet.” At this point we began making plans for my husband to move without me. A prospect that worried me as I depended on him to help me with things my back wouldn’t allow me to accomplish on my own.

Well, as always, God is sovereign. On a December evening we received the joyful news that we were to become grandparents! My daughter was unexpectedly pregnant! While happy, they were concerned. They had hoped to be in a larger home before having children, in fact they often commented they wished they had a large enough down payment to buy our home. No one remembers who mentioned it first, but suddenly the idea was flying around the room. Move in here, sell your home, and save for the down payment needed. My husband would commute for the time being and I would remain here.

It is not a solution for everybody, and six weeks later there have been a few little bumps…mostly dealing with having 2 extra dogs in the household. But I believe it is the ideal solution for us. Everybody was on board, and in fact excited about the changes. We all feel prayers have been answered. My daughter and son-in-law will be able to provide me the help I need, while in return I get to help with a little one.

Think we are making a mistake? This will ruin our relationships? Wait for my next post…you might be surprised what the research shows. ~Marla

Tasty Tuesday: Exploring Oklahoma

I grew up on a rather eclectic array of foods as a child. My mother, though born and raised in western Oklahoma, had a good deal of German influence in her cooking. Additionally my parents owned a small cafe in Seiling, Oklahoma during the mid to late 40's. The cafe, named The Gay Way Cafe (think in the context of the 1940's), served up traditional Oklahoma short order fare. I learned to make the most beautiful over easy eggs by watching my mom cook breakfast.

Thinking on these memories made me wonder...what do Oklahoman's consider their fare? I have come to the conclusion that it is indeed a hodgepodge of different influences. This makes sense when you consider how Oklahoma was founded.

 The great 1889 land rush, as well as subsequent smaller ones, was a singularly unique way of settling a region. As such, a varied group of people gathered to participate. Easterners longing for space, immigrants wanting a piece of American soil to call their own. Mid-westerners just looking for a change. Texans coming up from the south. As a result they all brought a bit of their style to Oklahoma, all at the same time.

The state meal of Oklahoma...yes, they have a state meal...shows a definite southern influence. The meal is as follows:

barbecue pork 

chicken fried steak

sausage and gravy

fried okra

squash

corn

black-eyed peas

grits

biscuits

 cornbread

 strawberries

 pecan pie

But, if you look around you will also find a fair number of ethnic restaurants in Oklahoma. Immigrants from Germany, Poland, Czechoslovakia, and Ireland had a lasting influence. Not to mention the Tex-Mex fare that crept up from Texas. The Oklahoma City area is full of restaurants that reflect this heritage. 

Still, going back to the state meal; I think when we have friends down from Kansas to visit, that is the type of meal we will share. How better to say, "Welcome to Oklahoma?"

~Marla

House Hunting in the Digital Age

Things have changed in eleven years, a lot! The last time my husband and I looked for a new home it was a personal experience with our Realtor. We made an appointment and sat in an office as she printed off listings that met our criteria. There were no photos of the properties, just basic facts regarding square footage and number of bedrooms and baths. You basically had two choices; drive by and stare at the house to decide if you wanted to see the inside, or rely upon your Realtor to tell you whether you really wanted to see the inside. Seeing every house in your price range was not a viable possibility, unless you intended to devote a full month to daily viewings.

Enter the internet. At some point it became much easier to take a peek at the houses on the market. At first most sites were run by the Realty companies, and invariably they wanted your contact information. Slowly a few bowed to public pressure and began allowing you to view their site without signing away your first born to them. Finally the big guns began popping up: Realtor.com, Yahoo, Trulia, and Zillow, to name just a few. It was no longer enough for Realtor's to snap a couple of photos with their $10 camera. The buyers wanted pictures, and lots of them! Now twenty photos are the norm. And the best Realtor's make sure a panoramic video tour is posted as well...complete with cool bendy walls.

Now, I am a planner. You give me information regarding anything that will be impacting my life, and I begin to plan for it. When we found out we might be moving to Oklahoma, I began to look at houses on the internet. When we found out that we would definitely be moving to Oklahoma, I became a woman with a mission! I have looked (via internet) at every home within a thirty mile radius of my husband’s new work place. And I have made some interesting observations along the way. I will share these little tidbits of wisdom with you at no charge.

 (Disclaimer; my parents were Okies, my husband’s parents were Okies. We have Okie blood gleefully coursing through our veins! These comments are tongue in cheek…no hate mail please.)

1.    Houses in Oklahoma are notoriously devoid of basements.

Now, I find this a little disconcerting. Oklahoma, like Kansas (the state I have spent my entire life in), has these swirly things called tornadoes on occasion. While some may simply relocate your patio furniture to the neighbor’s yard, others will relocate your house…to the next county. I personally feel better hiding in a nice safe basement vs. getting in my car and driving away…which I have been told is an acceptable practice in Oklahoma.

2.   Homeowners in the OKC appear to be anti-tree.

My husband and I enjoy trees. Nice mature trees. Trees that provide shade in the hot Great Plains heat of the day. They also provide wonderful protection against the baseball size hail that occasionally assaults us…though running for cover after an ice storm with limbs snapping all around you, can be adventure. In my perusal of Oklahoma City area real estate, I find two in every ten home owners have planted a tree.

3.   Architects like to put dining rooms next to the front door.

Apparently eating so that the neighbors can inspect your table manners is now the in thing to do. My daughter dislikes this and would strike all homes with this particular feature from my list. Unfortunately that would leave me two homes in the entire OKC area to consider. I look on the bright side…it will make me clear and clean my table in a timely manner.

4.   Avoid houses with only one photo.

Now this one is a no brainer folks. If a house has been on the market for more than one week, and yet only one photo is available…taken of the outside, from the neighbor’s front porch, or possibly from atop a nearby water tower…then this is a sign from the Almighty. Do not waste your time! Move on down the road!

5.   Some people have no common sense.

OK, I know this is probably not news to most of you, but looking at photos of houses can really bring that home. I understand it is difficult to keep a home in pristine condition for showings…but not cleaning up for the photos? When I see a counter and sink full of dirty dishes, I have to wonder what kind of filth I am not seeing…or smelling, for that matter. Yuck! I’ll pass on that house every time.

6.   After a while all the houses look the same.

And that is because they are! Amazing how a metro area will have the same floor plan repeated over and over and over again. When we buy, I can likely walk into any neighbor’s home and make a beeline straight to the master bathroom toilet.

7.   People in Oklahoma are highly religious.

I am basing this purely on the number of crosses I have seen hanging on wall of homes. We are not talking one or two crosses here…we are talking thirty…on one wall. This raises a question for me. Is the house possessed of evil spirits? Are there vampires in the basement? Oh yeah, I forgot, no basements.

8.   Oklahomans prefer brick homes

Now this is something to rejoice about! As my poor husband finished painting the siding of our current home in 100 degree weather (he procrastinates a little), I kept telling him this would be the last time he had to do that. I swear 95% or more of the homes I have seen have been brick. It is a thing of beauty!

I hope my little observations have been helpful…or at least brought a smile to your face. Thanks for joining me on my journey!

~Marla

The Lost Art of Sacrifice

Sacrifice: a. the surrender of something for the sake of something else  b. something given up or lost

As a child I loved to hear my mother’s stories of her own childhood. They seemed to take place in such a different world than the one I was living in. Stories of outhouses, swimming holes, and Oklahoma dust storms. Born in 1924, my mother grew up in the heart of the depression. She was the second of four children, all girls, all within five years of age. She was four years old when her father died in 1928. Her mother was only 23 years old. One year later the Great Depression began.

My mother’s stories of this time period are ones I treasure, a glimpse into a past so different from the world we live in now. It molded her as a person. She was very frugal. We would laugh at the collected butter containers and such. But we sure enjoyed all the canning she did! She grew up with two pairs of shoes, and two dresses. One everyday set for school and play, and one set for church and other “special” times. The shoes were worn until the hole in the bottom was too big for the cardboard to cover any longer. The dress was worn until it had to either be handed down to her younger sisters or turned into rags for cleaning or “that time of the month.” Really they were lucky; they lived just outside of town with enough land to plant a garden in the summer, and to keep chickens and a cow or goat for milk. During the school year the girls had eggs and milk for breakfast and took a butter sandwich to school for lunch. My grandmother supported her little family by cleaning houses for the more well to do in town, and taking in ironing, laundry and sewing on the side.

If you are young, and unaware of our country’s history, you may wonder why they didn’t get help. Food stamps, welfare, school lunch programs, social security benefits from the deceased spouse. These programs did not exist prior to the depression. They came about mostly in response to the depression, but took decades to put in to place. The first social security payments were made in 1940, and the other programs followed. These social programs are necessary, but they did allow a change to occur in the way some people see their responsibilities for themselves and their family.

As a society survival of the fittest no longer applies. What once drove us as a species to excel is being lost. If we can’t take care of ourselves, the government will step in and help. If that is not enough, then family will help support me. If that is not enough, other charities will pay my electric bill. If that is not enough then my church has a benevolence fund. And all of this is fine…if the person doing the asking is also willing to sacrifice. Yes, sacrifice! Give up your gym membership. Give up your smart phone and iPad. Give up your pack a day cigarette habit that costs $150 per month. Make a budget and stick to it. Get a second job if necessary, or even a third. Use government money to go back to school for a college graduate degree. Take advantage of the free financial counseling available. Give up the pedicures and manicures. Give up cable TV. Explain to your children that money is finite and if they want to be in an activity or buy something then they will need to find a way to earn money. Babysitting, mowing lawns, raking leaves, cleaning houses…something, anything, so they don’t grow up thinking others will take care of them.

If we are willing to sacrifice until it hurts, then we can approach others for help. See, often those we are expecting help from have made sacrifices of their own. Family members, volunteers at charities, the church members who tithe every week to support the benevolence fund, they are already sacrificing. Should they expect any less from the people asking for help? Perhaps it is time to relearn this lost art.

~Marla