Monday, August 15, 2011

Stepping into the Light

My house is dark. Very dark. It is filled with dark wood and is surrounded by large trees. A covered patio shelters the main windows on the back side of the house. A covered porch runs along the main windows on the front. It does wonders for our cooling bills…but it is definitely dreary. Sometimes I get so used to the dark that I forget how good the light feels. This morning I went outside and sat in the sun for awhile. The weather was perfect! Finally I decided to go back in…the darkness was almost overpowering! Funny, when I am inside all day I don’t notice the darkness as much. It is not until I step into the light that the difference is magnified. I don’t notice the heaviness of the darkness without the light.

This holds true in two other areas of my life as well. I struggle with depression, and I do not use the term struggle lightly. Actually, my diagnosis is BipolarType 2. Few people know this, so this is my coming out party of sorts. Yeah, me and Catherine Zeta Jones…wish I looked like her as well! At any rate, the depression side of this can be overwhelming. Oddly enough, I often don’t see how bad the depression is until I look back from the other side. Then I see that cloud of darkness that was practically suffocating me, and sometimes I am amazed at the strength it took to survive it! My daughter is probably my biggest help during those times. She is there to champion me along, helping me to see the promise that the next hour, day, or week will hold. I truly believe that God gave me the gift of her, to be my life boat, to cling to in the storm of depression. Just as God equipped me, as a nurse, to care for my own mother with all of her physical issues.

Sometimes as Christians, we can have the same experience. In the ups and downs of our life we may not notice ourselves drifting further and further away from God. It isn’t until we come back that we notice how far we had drifted. We need to be the light for others when this happens to them. A beacon, shining in the darkness, to help them find their way home. A life boat they can cling to when they have drifted so far from shore that they just can’t swim back by themselves. And we need to surround ourselves with Christian friends. Those who will be there for us, when the tides of life pull us out to sea.

Some brightly burning, some dark and cold
There is a Spirit who brings a fire
Ignites a candle and makes His home

Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, confused and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, go light your world
Take your candle, go light your world

Blessings ~Marla 


  1. I've had a few bouts with depression myself. The stigma seems to be particularly hard for Christians, I think. I have found that looking outside of myself helps, along with prayer, Bible study, writing and lots of physical exercise. I know the last thing would be difficult for you with your physical limitations. It's a journey. Hang in there! Great entry!